Children who grow up under coercive control are navigating two worlds — one built on fear, and one built on safety. And when they come home dysregulated, explosive, or even aggressive, it’s not because they’re “bad”… it’s because they’re surviving. What you’re seeing is control in the context of no control, just as Dr. Evan Stark describes. Your child is being controlled by the abuser — and simultaneously fearing that if they don’t align, they’ll face the same punishment, rejection, or contempt
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What is coercive control and why is it hard to identify and escape?
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Recognizing coercive control can be challenging, as it often involves subtle manipulative tactics that slowly erode a person's autonomy and independence. Here are some signs to look out for: 1. Isolation: The abuser deliberately isolates the victim from friends, family, and support systems. They may discourage or prevent socializing, monitor communication, or create dependency. 2. Emotional manipulation: The abuser uses emotional manipulation tactics to control the victim's thoughts and actions.
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